It’s an amazing feeling to trust you and your partner to show up in any circumstance life gives you and grow through it. This trust in yourself and your marriage doesn’t just happen. It comes from trying and failing – over and over – until you succeed.
That complete trust in yourself and your partner is Marriage Confidence.
You’ll know you have it when you can have really hard days and not question your relationship while you’re working through it.
This kind of confidence is one of the most important things I teach my clients. Not just confidence in themselves, but confidence in their partner and in their marriage as a whole.
In Episode 08 of Joyful Love, we talk about how to cultivate confidence in yourself first, and then in your marriage.
If you want help implementing the tools I teach, I would be honored to be your life coach. Working with a coach helps you to create change quicker, easier, and with more fun along the way! Are you ready to create a more Joyful Love in your own Life and Marriage? Then click here to find out more.
What You’ll Learn From This Episode
- Three concepts to adopt to create your own Self Confidence.
- Have confidence in your partner (even before they have it in themself!)
- Have the confidence to solve any problem that comes your way.
- Create confidence in your sex life.
Mentioned On The Show:
- The Confident Marriage Workshop: Sign Up Here
- If you’d like to ask questions or tell me what you think, send an email to podcast@rachaelcunningham.com
- Go here to watch a free class and get on my newsletters. https://www.rachaelcunningham.com/
Podcast Transcript:
Hey there! This is Rachael Cunningham. And your listening to Joyful Love, Episode 8.
Sometime around the year 2017 I realized that Cris and I would make it through anything.
We had had enough hard things happen in our marriage that we stumbled through on our way to the other side, that eventually I remember just thinking you know what we’re actually gonna make it!
That amazing feeling that you trust yourself and your partner to show up in any circumstance and grow through it doesn’t just happen. It comes from trying, and failing over and over until you succeed.
The knowing that you as a couple have what it takes to make it through anything is a beautiful place to be at. I call it having marriage confidence. Marriage confidence is similar to your own self-confidence but it entails the entirety of your life together.
To understand fully what marriage confidence is, let’s look at the definition of self-confidence. The definition of self-confidence is being secure in yourself and in your ability. It’s your ability to trust yourself knowing that you can experience any emotion including failure without being harmed. Self-confidence is your overall opinion of yourself.
So marriage confidence would absolutely include self-confidence first. But it’s also gonna include being secure in your relationship and knowing that you can experience any emotion, including failure, including frustration, including irritation, including worry and tension, without harming your overall opinion of your marriage.
You heard me right! Marriage confidence is the ability to have a really shitty day and still have a high opinion of your relationship! It’s the ability fall down together and say, we know how to get back up!
And some of you might be saying that’s a really tall order. You know I don’t have confidence in myself. I don’t have any confidence in my partner, and I definitely don’t have confidence in Us together.
But if you’re here, if you are listening to this podcast, if you’ve made it to this episode, I’m gonna assume that you want to get there. That you know that your love is worth at least trying to get there.
I also wanna offer that you can get there without having to talk your partner into doing this work with you.
Of course it’s amazing when partners want to do this work together and it can really take you far and I love that. But if you’re the only one that is ready to do this work, I want you to know that building your own confidence in your marriage is possible on your own.
And it’s actually a really beautiful thing to do this work on your own before your partner is ever ready to do this work as well.
So where do you begin? Where do you start having that confidence? We’re gonna break it down.
So of course it’s going to be a lot easier to have marriage confidence if you have already started to cultivate your own self confidence in your own life, Regardless of what your partner is doing.
Your own self confidence wil include three things. Number one is your ability to trust yourself. Trusting yourself comes down to knowing that you will do what you said you will do.
Right? You follow through with whatever plans you have decided are best for you. Self confidence means that you’re gonna show up and care for yourself. You’re not gonna put yourself on the back burner anymore. You’ll ask yourself how can I show up and love me today? How can I show up and care for myself today?
And then when you use your higher brain to make those plans for yourself, you trust yourself to follow through. This is very different from saying, “okay I know I need to do this and I I hope I’m going to be able to do it this time. I hope I’m going to actually stick to these habits that I’m telling myself to do. When you approach habit change with hoping that you’re going to follow through, that leaves room for doubt. And doubt is the opposite of self confidence.
Okay? so you have to really start to cultivate showing up for yourself. if you cannot count on yourself you’re gonna feel insecure and you’ll feel like a victim to the circumstances around you instead of taking charge of your own life.
When you take charge of loving yourself enough to follow through on your plans you’ll be in charge of where you’re going. And you’ll start to feel confident in your ability to create the results you want in life.
So that ability to trust yourself starts by having consistent follow-through on keeping your word with yourself.
I don’t think we’re born with this self-confidence. I think it’s something that we have to cultivate. I think it’s something we’re supposed to cultivate.
And where we get stuck is when we try to do all of these massive changes at once, and then you end up giving up because it’s too hard. You start with so much that your brain can’t handle it.
So what you need to do instead of making all the massive changes at once, is to take one small habit and get so consistent on it that you trust yourself that you’ll stay committed to this forever. And then when you have that one down, you will trust yourself, you’ll have self-confidence to do the next small habit.
So that’s step one to building your own self confidence, the ability to trust yourself to follow through on what you say you’re going to do.
The next step to having your own self confidence is knowing that you can experience any emotion. Emotions or feelings are just vibrations in your body.
If you don’t believe me yet … next time you’re feeling a really intense emotion – instead of trying to ignore it or buffer it away with food, alcohol or even that initial reaction of trying to resist the feeling … just stop for like 60 seconds and allow yourself to say, “what does this emotion feel like in my body?
what does this stress feel like in my body? What does worry feel like in my body?
what does happiness feel like in my body?
what does grief feel like in my body?
Where do you feel that tension? Where do you feel that that movement in your body?
And then breathe into it and notice that it vibrates.
What that is – is energy in your body. It’s a vibration that comes from your thoughts about something or someone.
And we humans have the amazing ability to experience any emotion that comes our way … because it’s just a vibration in our body.
But what we do is we hold on to these emotions for a long time and they stay in our bodies. But we as humans … have the ability to feel our emotions instead of pushing them away or wishing they didn’t exist or buffering them with food, alcohol, or any other vise that has a negative effect on us.
We can process them so that they can move through us and not be stored forever. We have that ability.
And when you learn how to do that, when you learn how to process your emotions and not be afraid of those emotions, you start to know and trust yourself that you can experience any and every emotion that you need to.
Feelings and emotions aren’t scary anymore. Even the feeling of failure, or regret or anger, when you trust yourself to feel every one of these, nothing will stop you.
The ability to actually process an emotion creates safety for you to experience anything that you want to.
It takes the risk out of everything and you start to approach life with an attitude that says no matter what, i’ve got this! You live life with a attitude that says I’m willing to experience all of this to get to the other side of beauty and the magic of life.
And the third thing that I want you to understand about creating your own self confidence is that your opinion of yourself matters.
The thoughts you think about you are what either creates self confidence or depletes your self-confidence. Confidence is a feeling. And when you think about it, all of our feelings come from thoughts that we have so self-confidence is just your thoughts that you have about yourself.
And if I can help you all understand any one thing today… it would be that you do not have to wait until you accomplish all your goals, you don’t have to wait until you get the body that you want, until you have the career that you want, until you have the perfect marriage, and the perfect kids to think that you are good enough, that you are capable, and that you are worthy of love right now exactly as you are.
A self-confident person believes that they are strong and competent to show up in this life how they want to.
You don’t even have to have any proof. You don’t have to have a history of self-confidence. You don’t have to have a history of following through on things. You can start that self-confidence right now. By changing the thoughts in your mind. By working your way to high quality thinking.
Higher quality thinking about who you are as a creation in this world.
If you feel like you’re really behind on this whole self-confident thing, I want you to know that where you are right now … is the perfect place to start.
Most of us have a whole lot of growth to still do in this area. We’re not taught to be self-confident. We’re not taught to trust ourselves. We’re not taught how to manage our minds.
And we’re definitely not taught what to do with our feelings. We’re actually taught how to stuff our feelings. We’re taught to ignore and not trust our feelings.
And this leads us to go back on our own word all the time. Resisting our feelings causes us to let ourselves down consistently. We don’t want to feel negativity, so we hide from the world, right?
But you can start right now by telling yourself no matter what happens today I’m going to believe in myself to continue to grow. I’m going to believe in myself to show up as my highest self right now.
And in order to do that you have to understand that growth is part of being your highest self. When you do something that you realize you don’t want to do anymore. Let’s just take the example of of yelling at our partner or yelling at our kids … when you realize you don’t want to do that anymore instead of criticizing yourself, you replace that self-loathing with trusting yourself to grow.
You notice that you did something you don’t like, you bring awareness to it. You pull it out and look at it. And you evaluate it by asking yourself really good questions like, what didn’t work in that situation? And what will I do differently next time?
And you trust yourself to do it differently next time. No matter how many times you’ve made that mistake in the past. Starting now you can build self-confidence from this point moving forward.
when you can create these three things in your life the ability to trust yourself, knowing that you can experience any and every emotion, and really up-ing your opinion of yourself, your self-confidence is going to start to soar. And when your self-confidence stores, you’re gonna set more goals, you’re gonna take more action, you’re gonna have better conversations, you’ll not be afraid of taking risks anymore … and you’re gonna start creating the future that you want to right now.
But to get there you have to start working on changing your thoughts about yourself. I want to offer you just a few thoughts that you can start to think today grab a pen and write them down! Okay here they are:
“what others think about me is 100% about them.
“Fear is no big deal.”
“ The worst that can happen is a Feeling.”
“ I have my own back.”
“ The better I fail, the more confident I am.”
“ I am capable.”
Okay let’s tie this into having a confident marriage .. We covered your own self-confidence first, Because self-confidence is absolutely the first key to creating a confident marriage.
The next key to unlock a confident marriage is knowing how to solve any problem that comes your way. And I do mean any problem that comes your way.
You might be wondering if that’s even possible. Yes absolutely it 100% is! I teach my clients a process to help them understand any problem that they have and to work through it. I recently had a client that finished the program with me and she said this: “I think I went into every session thinking well this is it. The one thing Rachel won’t know how to help me with. I’m screwed now. And then of course she gave me just what I needed.”
Why was I able to do that? Because when you understand how the mind works, you can step back and process any emotion and make any decision.
When you have the tools to manage your mind, and the ability to watch yourself think and process what is going on in your life, you can absolutely get out of your own way and use your internal wisdom to solve any problem.
Creating a healthy mindset is not just about positive thinking. It’s about understanding how to look at your circumstances, process your feelings, and ultimately create the results you want with High quality thinking and trusting your intuition.
the next shift you need to have a confident marriage is to have confidence in your partner.
In the same way that we talked about having confidence in yourself, I want you to start to take those same tools and apply them to your partner.
This doesn’t mean that you push them to growth before they’re ready. It doesn’t mean that you nag them to become the person that you know they’re capable of.
It means that you actually take a step back, and you genuinely build trust in them that they have the same internal wisdom that you have. You trust them to figure out the things that they need to in life in the right time for them.
This requires you to fully see them as worthy of Love exactly as they are. And when you drop the responsibility of making their changes for them, you create freedom in your relationship where there’s now safety to drop the rules – to drop the judgement – to drop the criticism – and be free to be vulnerable and open and honest.
From a place of love and trust. So bringing that confidence that you’re creating in yourself and applying it to your partner is of utmost importantce for creating a confident marriage.
And your own confidence in their ability to grow is the best gift that you can give your partner.
The third thing you have to have in a confident marriage is confident communication. The ability to communicate in a way that is solution-focused. I talked a lot about solution-focused communication with my clients. It’s the ability to enter any conversation, especially those difficult ones where you might be disagreeing, and allow your conversation to move toward a solution the entire time.
There are several tools that can help you to do this but the first one I would suggest right now is to Simply ask yourself in the middle of your conversations are we working towards a solution? Or are we just trying to prove our point? Am I trying to defend myself or am I seeking to understand my partner? If you’re trying to defend yourself or prove a point … your communication is not going to feel confident. It’s gonna feel heavy, and full of doubt. Doubting yourself, doubting your partner, and doubting you as a couple to communicate together. So simply ask yourself are we working towards a solution. Do we believe in ourselves enough to find a solution. And let that question lead you to more awareness in the moment.
Alright, the last thing you want in a confident marriage is a confident sex life. We really can’t skip over this to have a confident marriage. Most couples, want intimacy and a great sex life to be a part of their marriage. And if that component is missing, there’s a huge confidence gap that needs to be addressed.
Creating Intimacy in your marriage is another big goal that we work on in my 6 month Coaching program. I’ve had clients all over the map with this issue and there are many, many reasons why a great sex life can dwindle as the years go on.
many times a lack of confidence in other areas like communication and teamwork, health, and finances causes the confidence in your sex life to suffer as well.
And if you were raised as a woman in this culture, or let’s be honest from the beginning of time, we were fed the message that sex is for the man’s pleasure and not our own.
So our brains think that we have to live up to this high standard with the perfect body and the perfect sexy attitude to be worthy of intimacy. As a whole, we tend to focus more on the man’s pleasure than our own.
I truly believe that it’s time for women to own our own sexual pleasure. Open your mind to the possibility of an incredible sex life for you.
Not because it’s your duty as a wife to give your partner pleasure. Because you are a sexual being yourself. And y’all sex is fun!
I encourage you to just start with that thought this week. Sex is fun! And neither you nor your partner has to be perfect at anything to enjoy that intimacy together.
And let’s go back to the self-confidence that we talked about in the very beginning of this. Set a goal to create more physical intimacy this week.
Your goal could be anything from flirting to a fun make out session To actually having more sex. Wherever you are starting out, is perfect, right now, exactly where you’re at.
And with the thoughts that “sex is fun!” And “intimacy is worth creating time and space for”, set a goal and have your own back to keep that goal.
This is how we build confidence. Setting small goals and having your own back to follow through.
Having your own back in life is how we get confidence in ourselves. And it’s how we build confidence in our marriages.
Okay I’ve been working on something really special for you guys. if you guys wanna dive deep into creating a confident marriage, I’ve created The Confident marriage Workshop. It’s a 3 Day Live Online event where we will cover in detail all of these areas of confidence. Not only will you get specific tools that I teach my clients, you’re also going to have the ability to ask me questions and get some personal coaching.
If you’re interested in that I want you to go to Rachael Cunningham.com/confidence – that’s Rachael with an a e l Cunningham.Com/confidence and sign up for that marriage Workshop. You’re not going to want to miss it. It’s going to be golden.
And I promise you if you implement those tools, you’re going to see so much progress.
SO… have your own back this week. Trust yourself starting right now to follow through on what you say you’re going to follow through with.
Trust your partner to grow and live their best life. Drop the criticism. And Lead… With Love.
Hey there! This is Rachael Cunningham. And your listening to Joyful Love, Episode 8.
Sometime around the year 2017 I realized that Cris and I would make it through anything.
We had had enough hard things happen in our marriage that we stumbled through on our way to the other side, that eventually I remember just thinking you know what we’re actually gonna make it!
That amazing feeling that you trust yourself and your partner to show up in any circumstance and grow through it doesn’t just happen. It comes from trying, and failing over and over until you succeed.
The knowing that you as a couple have what it takes to make it through anything is a beautiful place to be at. I call it having marriage confidence. Marriage confidence is similar to your own self-confidence but it entails the entirety of your life together.
To understand fully what marriage confidence is, let’s look at the definition of self-confidence. The definition of self-confidence is being secure in yourself and in your ability. It’s your ability to trust yourself knowing that you can experience any emotion including failure without being harmed. Self-confidence is your overall opinion of yourself.
So marriage confidence would absolutely include self-confidence first. But it’s also gonna include being secure in your relationship and knowing that you can experience any emotion, including failure, including frustration, including irritation, including worry and tension, without harming your overall opinion of your marriage.
You heard me right! Marriage confidence is the ability to have a really shitty day and still have a high opinion of your relationship! It’s the ability fall down together and say, we know how to get back up!
And some of you might be saying that’s a really tall order. You know I don’t have confidence in myself. I don’t have any confidence in my partner, and I definitely don’t have confidence in Us together.
But if you’re here, if you are listening to this podcast, if you’ve made it to this episode, I’m gonna assume that you want to get there. That you know that your love is worth at least trying to get there.
I also wanna offer that you can get there without having to talk your partner into doing this work with you.
Of course it’s amazing when partners want to do this work together and it can really take you far and I love that. But if you’re the only one that is ready to do this work, I want you to know that building your own confidence in your marriage is possible on your own.
And it’s actually a really beautiful thing to do this work on your own before your partner is ever ready to do this work as well.
So where do you begin? Where do you start having that confidence? We’re gonna break it down.
So of course it’s going to be a lot easier to have marriage confidence if you have already started to cultivate your own self confidence in your own life, Regardless of what your partner is doing.
Your own self confidence wil include three things. Number one is your ability to trust yourself. Trusting yourself comes down to knowing that you will do what you said you will do.
Right? You follow through with whatever plans you have decided are best for you. Self confidence means that you’re gonna show up and care for yourself. You’re not gonna put yourself on the back burner anymore. You’ll ask yourself how can I show up and love me today? How can I show up and care for myself today?
And then when you use your higher brain to make those plans for yourself, you trust yourself to follow through. This is very different from saying, “okay I know I need to do this and I I hope I’m going to be able to do it this time. I hope I’m going to actually stick to these habits that I’m telling myself to do. When you approach habit change with hoping that you’re going to follow through, that leaves room for doubt. And doubt is the opposite of self confidence.
Okay? so you have to really start to cultivate showing up for yourself. if you cannot count on yourself you’re gonna feel insecure and you’ll feel like a victim to the circumstances around you instead of taking charge of your own life.
When you take charge of loving yourself enough to follow through on your plans you’ll be in charge of where you’re going. And you’ll start to feel confident in your ability to create the results you want in life.
So that ability to trust yourself starts by having consistent follow-through on keeping your word with yourself.
I don’t think we’re born with this self-confidence. I think it’s something that we have to cultivate. I think it’s something we’re supposed to cultivate.
And where we get stuck is when we try to do all of these massive changes at once, and then you end up giving up because it’s too hard. You start with so much that your brain can’t handle it.
So what you need to do instead of making all the massive changes at once, is to take one small habit and get so consistent on it that you trust yourself that you’ll stay committed to this forever. And then when you have that one down, you will trust yourself, you’ll have self-confidence to do the next small habit.
So that’s step one to building your own self confidence, the ability to trust yourself to follow through on what you say you’re going to do.
The next step to having your own self confidence is knowing that you can experience any emotion. Emotions or feelings are just vibrations in your body.
If you don’t believe me yet … next time you’re feeling a really intense emotion – instead of trying to ignore it or buffer it away with food, alcohol or even that initial reaction of trying to resist the feeling … just stop for like 60 seconds and allow yourself to say, “what does this emotion feel like in my body?
what does this stress feel like in my body? What does worry feel like in my body?
what does happiness feel like in my body?
what does grief feel like in my body?
Where do you feel that tension? Where do you feel that that movement in your body?
And then breathe into it and notice that it vibrates.
What that is – is energy in your body. It’s a vibration that comes from your thoughts about something or someone.
And we humans have the amazing ability to experience any emotion that comes our way … because it’s just a vibration in our body.
But what we do is we hold on to these emotions for a long time and they stay in our bodies. But we as humans … have the ability to feel our emotions instead of pushing them away or wishing they didn’t exist or buffering them with food, alcohol, or any other vise that has a negative effect on us.
We can process them so that they can move through us and not be stored forever. We have that ability.
And when you learn how to do that, when you learn how to process your emotions and not be afraid of those emotions, you start to know and trust yourself that you can experience any and every emotion that you need to.
Feelings and emotions aren’t scary anymore. Even the feeling of failure, or regret or anger, when you trust yourself to feel every one of these, nothing will stop you.
The ability to actually process an emotion creates safety for you to experience anything that you want to.
It takes the risk out of everything and you start to approach life with an attitude that says no matter what, i’ve got this! You live life with a attitude that says I’m willing to experience all of this to get to the other side of beauty and the magic of life.
And the third thing that I want you to understand about creating your own self confidence is that your opinion of yourself matters.
The thoughts you think about you are what either creates self confidence or depletes your self-confidence. Confidence is a feeling. And when you think about it, all of our feelings come from thoughts that we have so self-confidence is just your thoughts that you have about yourself.
And if I can help you all understand any one thing today… it would be that you do not have to wait until you accomplish all your goals, you don’t have to wait until you get the body that you want, until you have the career that you want, until you have the perfect marriage, and the perfect kids to think that you are good enough, that you are capable, and that you are worthy of love right now exactly as you are.
A self-confident person believes that they are strong and competent to show up in this life how they want to.
You don’t even have to have any proof. You don’t have to have a history of self-confidence. You don’t have to have a history of following through on things. You can start that self-confidence right now. By changing the thoughts in your mind. By working your way to high quality thinking.
Higher quality thinking about who you are as a creation in this world.
If you feel like you’re really behind on this whole self-confident thing, I want you to know that where you are right now … is the perfect place to start.
Most of us have a whole lot of growth to still do in this area. We’re not taught to be self-confident. We’re not taught to trust ourselves. We’re not taught how to manage our minds.
And we’re definitely not taught what to do with our feelings. We’re actually taught how to stuff our feelings. We’re taught to ignore and not trust our feelings.
And this leads us to go back on our own word all the time. Resisting our feelings causes us to let ourselves down consistently. We don’t want to feel negativity, so we hide from the world, right?
But you can start right now by telling yourself no matter what happens today I’m going to believe in myself to continue to grow. I’m going to believe in myself to show up as my highest self right now.
And in order to do that you have to understand that growth is part of being your highest self. When you do something that you realize you don’t want to do anymore. Let’s just take the example of of yelling at our partner or yelling at our kids … when you realize you don’t want to do that anymore instead of criticizing yourself, you replace that self-loathing with trusting yourself to grow.
You notice that you did something you don’t like, you bring awareness to it. You pull it out and look at it. And you evaluate it by asking yourself really good questions like, what didn’t work in that situation? And what will I do differently next time?
And you trust yourself to do it differently next time. No matter how many times you’ve made that mistake in the past. Starting now you can build self-confidence from this point moving forward.
when you can create these three things in your life the ability to trust yourself, knowing that you can experience any and every emotion, and really up-ing your opinion of yourself, your self-confidence is going to start to soar. And when your self-confidence stores, you’re gonna set more goals, you’re gonna take more action, you’re gonna have better conversations, you’ll not be afraid of taking risks anymore … and you’re gonna start creating the future that you want to right now.
But to get there you have to start working on changing your thoughts about yourself. I want to offer you just a few thoughts that you can start to think today grab a pen and write them down! Okay here they are:
“what others think about me is 100% about them.
“Fear is no big deal.”
“ The worst that can happen is a Feeling.”
“ I have my own back.”
“ The better I fail, the more confident I am.”
“ I am capable.”
Okay let’s tie this into having a confident marriage .. We covered your own self-confidence first, Because self-confidence is absolutely the first key to creating a confident marriage.
The next key to unlock a confident marriage is knowing how to solve any problem that comes your way. And I do mean any problem that comes your way.
You might be wondering if that’s even possible. Yes absolutely it 100% is! I teach my clients a process to help them understand any problem that they have and to work through it. I recently had a client that finished the program with me and she said this: “I think I went into every session thinking well this is it. The one thing Rachel won’t know how to help me with. I’m screwed now. And then of course she gave me just what I needed.”
Why was I able to do that? Because when you understand how the mind works, you can step back and process any emotion and make any decision.
When you have the tools to manage your mind, and the ability to watch yourself think and process what is going on in your life, you can absolutely get out of your own way and use your internal wisdom to solve any problem.
Creating a healthy mindset is not just about positive thinking. It’s about understanding how to look at your circumstances, process your feelings, and ultimately create the results you want with High quality thinking and trusting your intuition.
the next shift you need to have a confident marriage is to have confidence in your partner.
In the same way that we talked about having confidence in yourself, I want you to start to take those same tools and apply them to your partner.
This doesn’t mean that you push them to growth before they’re ready. It doesn’t mean that you nag them to become the person that you know they’re capable of.
It means that you actually take a step back, and you genuinely build trust in them that they have the same internal wisdom that you have. You trust them to figure out the things that they need to in life in the right time for them.
This requires you to fully see them as worthy of Love exactly as they are. And when you drop the responsibility of making their changes for them, you create freedom in your relationship where there’s now safety to drop the rules – to drop the judgement – to drop the criticism – and be free to be vulnerable and open and honest.
From a place of love and trust. So bringing that confidence that you’re creating in yourself and applying it to your partner is of utmost importantce for creating a confident marriage.
And your own confidence in their ability to grow is the best gift that you can give your partner.
The third thing you have to have in a confident marriage is confident communication. The ability to communicate in a way that is solution-focused. I talked a lot about solution-focused communication with my clients. It’s the ability to enter any conversation, especially those difficult ones where you might be disagreeing, and allow your conversation to move toward a solution the entire time.
There are several tools that can help you to do this but the first one I would suggest right now is to Simply ask yourself in the middle of your conversations are we working towards a solution? Or are we just trying to prove our point? Am I trying to defend myself or am I seeking to understand my partner? If you’re trying to defend yourself or prove a point … your communication is not going to feel confident. It’s gonna feel heavy, and full of doubt. Doubting yourself, doubting your partner, and doubting you as a couple to communicate together. So simply ask yourself are we working towards a solution. Do we believe in ourselves enough to find a solution. And let that question lead you to more awareness in the moment.
Alright, the last thing you want in a confident marriage is a confident sex life. We really can’t skip over this to have a confident marriage. Most couples, want intimacy and a great sex life to be a part of their marriage. And if that component is missing, there’s a huge confidence gap that needs to be addressed.
Creating Intimacy in your marriage is another big goal that we work on in my 6 month Coaching program. I’ve had clients all over the map with this issue and there are many, many reasons why a great sex life can dwindle as the years go on.
many times a lack of confidence in other areas like communication and teamwork, health, and finances causes the confidence in your sex life to suffer as well.
And if you were raised as a woman in this culture, or let’s be honest from the beginning of time, we were fed the message that sex is for the man’s pleasure and not our own.
So our brains think that we have to live up to this high standard with the perfect body and the perfect sexy attitude to be worthy of intimacy. As a whole, we tend to focus more on the man’s pleasure than our own.
I truly believe that it’s time for women to own our own sexual pleasure. Open your mind to the possibility of an incredible sex life for you.
Not because it’s your duty as a wife to give your partner pleasure. Because you are a sexual being yourself. And y’all sex is fun!
I encourage you to just start with that thought this week. Sex is fun! And neither you nor your partner has to be perfect at anything to enjoy that intimacy together.
And let’s go back to the self-confidence that we talked about in the very beginning of this. Set a goal to create more physical intimacy this week.
Your goal could be anything from flirting to a fun make out session To actually having more sex. Wherever you are starting out, is perfect, right now, exactly where you’re at.
And with the thoughts that “sex is fun!” And “intimacy is worth creating time and space for”, set a goal and have your own back to keep that goal.
This is how we build confidence. Setting small goals and having your own back to follow through.
Having your own back in life is how we get confidence in ourselves. And it’s how we build confidence in our marriages.
Okay I’ve been working on something really special for you guys. if you guys wanna dive deep into creating a confident marriage, I’ve created The Confident marriage Workshop. It’s a 3 Day Live Online event where we will cover in detail all of these areas of confidence. Not only will you get specific tools that I teach my clients, you’re also going to have the ability to ask me questions and get some personal coaching.
If you’re interested in that I want you to go to Rachael Cunningham.com/confidence – that’s Rachael with an a e l Cunningham.Com/confidence and sign up for that marriage Workshop. You’re not going to want to miss it. It’s going to be golden.
And I promise you if you implement those tools, you’re going to see so much progress.
SO… have your own back this week. Trust yourself starting right now to follow through on what you say you’re going to follow through with.
Trust your partner to grow and live their best life. Drop the criticism. And Lead… With Love.
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