Ep 29: Living In this Present Moment

Living in this present moment is critical for a joy-filled life and marriage. We know this.

Instead of living our lives now, we spend the present moment worrying about the future and regretting the past.

We regret not preparing better. We criticize ourselves for not being as ‘good’ as other families. We judge our own experiences and wish things were different.

We criticize our partners, we judge our parents, and we beat ourselves up too.

We are wasting our time and energy trying to control things we can’t. But here’s the truth. The past and future do not exist.

Think about it – they are not reality. So if we drop worry and fret about the future, and we’re making a conscious choice not to live in the past … what’s left? Right now. This present moment is what’s left! And it’s what matters.

Listen to Episode 29 to make the most of this holiday season, exactly as it is … with all its perfectly imperfect moments!

What You’ll Get From This Episode:

  • How the past and future are two things that don’t exist.
  • How To Live Presently With What Is 
  • How Gratitude Fends Off Dread 
  • What Actions to take now.

Mentioned On The Show:

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This is going to be short and sweet this week!

Let’s talk about living in the present moment this month. Because I’ve already caught myself feeling a bit uneasy about this time … and it’s just the beginning of the month.

So it’s appropriate, right?

During a month when you can feel like there’s so much to do.

So many people to please.

So much to live up to…

It can be easy to forget how amazing life actually is!

We make the mistake so many times during the Holidays of worrying about the future – We worry that we’ll spend too much / we worry that our gifts won’t show how much we truly love our family and friends… we wnat them to KNOW how much we love them … and a we want a gift to show that! As if one gift possibly COULD show all the love that’s in our hearts! / we worry that it won’t get there in time / we worry that maybe I won’t liike MY gift / and then time … will there be enough time for everything? … right! You know the thoughts and worries that keep you hustling and going without a breath this month!

We also use this time to look back and regret the past. From yesterday to 20 years ago – We regret not preparing, we regret not being as good as other families, we judge our own experiences, and wish things were different. We criticize our partners, we judge our parents, and we beat ourselves up too.

But here’s the truth. The past and future do not exist.  I’m serious! Think about it – they are not reality.

Even the way we remember things can be off. The way I remember things and the way my husband remembers things are sometimes very different.

So we have these stories in our brains of how things happened – and they either create good memories or they give us thoughts of why things were awful.

So it does us no good to dwell on the past.

The way I look at it, looking back is good for 2 things:

Number 1, for Nostalgia. I like feeling nostalgic about things and remembering the good. And sometimes that does bring a sense of sadness – but it’s a simple longing to hold my sweet babies again – something I don’t mind feeling. It’s worth it to me to think about their cute little 20 lb pajama clad bodies that were so easy to just pick up and snuggle close! I want to have those memories – even if there’s a heaviness to them at times!

And I even find it helpful to remember the hard times of the past as a way to bring awarenes to the strength we’ve had to develop over the years.

So healthy nostalgia and recognizing our strength. Those are the only reasons to look back.
And their damn good reasons!

But everything else is just drama and a way to keep you in victim mentality.

Instead of using the past FOR us – we tend to use it to beat us and our partners up.

So I believe there’s a time to look back – but only if it’s going to serve you. And only for a brief time. You don’t want to LIVE in the past either. You don’t want to spend a ton of time there.

So if we drop worry and fret about the future this month. And we’re making a conscious choice not to live in the past … what’s left?

Right now. The present moment is what’s left!

And what serves us most is finding gratitude in the here and now – because that’s the ONLY thing that does exists. Yesterday doesn’t exist anymore. Tomorrow doesn’t exist yet.

So what are you grateful for right now? What is working right now? What do you love right now?

Last week I was looking for a time for our family to decorate our Christimas tree.  I have a lot of nostalgia of decorating trees with my mom and with my kids, so I still love this family tradition. But I’m pretty sure I’m the only only one who loves it in my family.

But over the past few years, as my kids have gotten older, and more opinionated (as if that’s possible), and they’ve all gotten jobs and are rarely home, the idea of decorating the tree together is about done!

I missed my 2 day window of everyone being home this year!

So last week, I found myself decorating the tree with just Cris. During part of that time, he got distracted and went into the other room to do a few other things.  And I ended up putting many of the ornaments on alone.

For a few minutes, I started feeling sad, neglected, and frustrated…  Like, here I am putting this tree up by myself.  Noone really cares anymore but me.

And I caught myself – I caught my subconscious thought telling me that what that really means is they don’t care about me!

ANd  I caught myself thinking that I’ve been doing this just for them for the past 24 years!

And both of these things were totally untrue!

My family cares about me! They show it every day!

And Yes, of course I want to create fun moments for my kids around the holidays – and I have, for many, many years!

But the truth is, I’ve been doing this tradition for me. Because I have cozy, warm feelings when I think about all the times I helped my own mom decorate for Christmas! Because I like having a christmas tree up to look at every day and to read books by in the winter!

So I stopped for a moment and was grateful. Grateful that I have those memories. Grateful that I was now currently decorating a tree that would bring a smile to MY face every day this month! And especially Grateful that we’ve given each of our kids unique ornaments every year to celebrate something they’ve done or accomplished that year … or simply to represent a phase they went through.

Like a blue Phone Booth ornament for the Dr Who Phase for my oldest.
A Microphone ornament for The first year of singing in a band for our youngest.

A “best Actor” ornament for our middle child who acted in his first feature movie a few years ago….

And about 50 more ornaments that represent a lifetime of having our unique kids.

I was grateful.

Grateful for a lifetime of having this family

Grateful they all still come home at night! Even if it’s too late to see them much!

Grateful that I’ve had the privilege of raising them!

And I didnt’ need them there with me in that moment to feel that gratitude!

So I put on some Christmas music, and thoroughly enjoyed the present moment by myself.

And when cris came back in to finish helping me, I had joy in my heart and a smile on my face.

Because I was present with what IS.

Not beating myself up for things I can’t change.

Not dreading the future when I don’t have my kids in the house at all…

But grateful for this present moment.

And I’m so glad I was. That moment of him returning could have went totally different if I was still angry and sad about this current situation of me putting some ornaments on the tree alone – our tree decorating could have turned into me snapping at him or hurt feelings. But instead – we finished decorating together and enjoyed what we had – which was each other.

I won’t always have my kids living with me – but I will always have him until one of us kicks the bucket!  And finding gratitude in the present moment is gonna make that time feel so much better!

So I want to offer this thought to you right now…

Right now is all you can control.

You might not be able to control all the people and circumstances around you … but you can control your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions right now.

So what is good in this present moment?

What is amazing in this present moment?

Think about that  – and watch the rest fall into place!

Live in the moment this Holiday season and in 20 years – you’re gonna LOVE that feeling of nostalgia looking back!

It was short this week friends! But so, so important!

If you want to work with me, book a free consultation this week. There’s no reason to wait!

I have a few 1:1 spots open…. So if you want one, snag it!

And If you’re wondering you know, do I have the money to work with a coach, is it worth the investment … all the questions – I get it!  I am taking payment plans this month … . We can make this work! Hop on a call with me and let’s find out if coaching is right for you! Your life is worth it and your marriage is too!

I’ll see you all next week!